October 21, 2010

Martyr


Fall from our martyr
We have seen how he fell ... From afar
-
Fell to the ground martyr, Fell smiling ...
Was Happy, he fell Smiling ...
-
Thank God
Received the certificate ... Got happiness
His house got high ... Certificate
-
Thank God
Fell closed to us, Carried him on our shoulders
Seen from afar ... Was Happy he fell Smiling ...
-
Thank God
In the name of God, he fought ...
And Allahu Akbar... he fell smiling
 -
He remembered the God very much
Fought in his process often
Frequently asked God
Oh God certificate
-
We saw after him awarded
Was Happy
Found what he wanted
Fell to the ground martyr
-
Referred him to the Supreme ... For awards
God, we count him with martyrs
-
Your slave does it...
Coming to you "Martyr" Stained with blood
Suggestive of verses, and smiling ... Happiness
--
-


 © 2007

2 comments:

  1. Hi, there!

    Saw Your profile on twitter. I'm a published latvian poet (not trying to be arrogant, just the factthat I know a thing or two about poetry). Moments of Happiness is a great poem. Just a few tips. on this and other poems.

    first of all lose the 3-dots. It doesn't help. it doesn't add any seriousness. They're pointless, basically. They're like a huge neon sign - my poem is serious! :) it is. No one needs the thoughtful dots.

    Secondly, try to organize Your verses - There must be a point, why one presses enter to divide a sentence. Poem is a poem not a text, which looks like a poem. Remember there is only one rule - everything must be with a reason.

    Last of all try to spread out on metaphors. I see, that You have a great vocabulary, and You've read a lot and experienced a lot. That is a blessing, I tell You.

    so if any questions write - u.zirnis@gmail.com

    good luck!

    Ulvis, Latvia

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Ulvis. It's an honor to have a comment from you. You are a poet that is not afraid of to help others on theire way. I'm very thankful and many more quastions will come soon to your e-mail unless I have a visit from you all the time.

    This "Martyr" lines was written in 2007 and I don't know if I wrote what's the exact point in the lines, but one thing is sure that many dot's wwas included to make me think or make the readers think.

    About the dots ... ;)I'm truely inspired by the moderne arabic poetry where it's to write two columns or rows where the first row tells you something and the second one is to explain what was the meaning in the first, so the dot's are in the middle to seperate and to pause you when your reading out loud. But perhaps I should be atleast carefull when I use them in english.

    You said also "Spread out on the metaphors" I think I need you to tell me more here. How do I use them I mean are they a bit similar in ever poem- fx Do I use metaphors only from the jungle and I need to spread me out of it to anything else.

    Thank youUlvis, I do appreciate your visit, and stay for a while in your next visit so I can bring you a sup of Chai ;)


    S. Sharp

    ReplyDelete